You can reach me at...

Ever feel like you are not the person people perceive you to be? Ever wonder if you're horrendously disappointing people?

I'm not trying to get all deep and morbid on y'all. Actually, this is just a funny way of setting up the fact that I finally registered for a SiteMeter, which is the little Rainbow Flag-looking gadget you'll now find at the bottom of the sidebar. (It looks like one of those Out and Proud decals, and that's cool, too.) Anyway, the little feller is able to tell me what websites lead to the most traffic on my site, and even better, in the cases of search engines, what search terms people used to find me. By far the most common are a buncha variations on "Nick Davis" or "Nick Davis film reviews" or "Nick picks flicks," all of which suggest to me that people cannot remember the exact syntax of my tongue-twisting site name, which is my own bad. But look, y'all, I dare you to come up with something better that isn't taken.

From here, it gets funnier. When you discount all the stuff based on my name, the runaway most common search term is "three-legged man." Normally, I guess I'd be flattered at this quirk of Google, but y'all know it's just about that John Donne/Ewan McGregor piece I posted a while back, on the shared anniversary of Donne's death and Ewan's birth. Brothers don't tend to stay around longer than 0:01 when they click on my link—apparently, they don't all have metaphysical poetry in mind. (Not that I did either, at least not exclusively.)

The pattern continues, in more surprising form. Like, someone just hit me up by Googling the term "erotic stripshow." It only works in quotes, i.e., as a holistic phrase, but do you know that I come up first on a Google search of "erotic stripshow"??! This, it turns out, is because of a stray line of plot description in my capsule review of Secret Things. This wayfarer of the cybernetic ocean didn't get off too well, either; another 0:01 visit.

The third most popular search term is "Katharine Hepburn's brownies," though the amount of violence done to the proper spelling of Ms. Hepburn's name is enough to make anyone agog, Kate especially. (Did y'all know she used to return fan letters with the misspellings, typos, and syntactical errors circled in red ink, if there were too many for her to stomach? True story. Can't really see Reese Witherspoon or Scarlett Johansson doing that.)

So, I guess that's my site in a nutshell, at least according to Google: a 24-hour cabaret of well-endowed men doffing their duds while the oven preheats. Maybe you thought you knew what you were reading, but you haven't been paying enough attention between the lines.

P.S. It just occurred to me that an unwitting side-effect of this post is that all of the above phrases will be even better-represented on this site, only increasing the likelihood that people will use them to get here. As in most moments of crisis or ambivalence, my mind inclines toward what Paris Hilton would do or say in the same situation, and I'm pretty sure that she would advise me that no publicity is bad publicity.

So, make yourself at home, y'all. Here's a sifter and a dollar bill.