L'Anniversaire de Mimi

Yes, yes, I'll be back soon enough with a book review, some film write-ups, and my own weighing in on the Hills Have Eyes question, now that I'm back from a long weekend trip to see my mother and brother. It's all coming. But you know what's faster, easier, and more urgently of the moment? Mariah is turning 36. Only a year ago, I was one of a precious handful of Mimiphiles still in this girl's camp. Three years before that, I was still carrying her train, even though she had so suddenly become the Corpse Bride of American pop culture. Now, as she so memorably told Barbara Walters last month, "Well, I guess anybody who counted me out is just going to have to count me back in." Against all odds, guess who's back in the m****af****n' house?!

We belong together, M, despite all the ineffable ways you make things so easy for your enemies. You'll always be my baby, 'cause I'm a sucker for a talented ditz—I think of myself as a sort of talented ditz—and anytime you need a friend, I will be here!