Live-Blogging the 2011 SAG Awards

I wasn't planning on watching these, as I don't have cable, but I stumbled onto some kind of Filipino livestream and tweeted up a storm. I didn't move to the blog because I hadn't advertised and wasn't sure the feed would hold out. But as Kate Winslet's come-from-behind, dark-horse trophy for Mildred Pierce shows us, miracles do happen! For anyone who was sleeping, or was only belatedly interested, or is dying to re-live the magic, I'm moving all the tweets over here. I'll add times once Twitter designates them more specifically than "1 hour ago."

7:06 PM, CST BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR No, SAG. Do NOT invite the co-stars of nominees to present their awards. Especially when they absolutely won't win. #SAG #Tackiness

7:08 Christopher Plummer is seated next to Meryl. He looks all but indifferent to her praise on his way up. But it must be an out-of-body thing.

7:09 Christopher Plummer is honored to be nominated in the same company as Jonah Hill and Armie Hammer. Thanks Cosmo. Thanks Amanda! Loves wife.

7:12 BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS Jessica Chastain has worked out the whole hair-dress situation beautifully. Stop worrying, everybody. #SAG

7:14 Octavia Spencer. First-ever name-drop of Medgar Evers at an awards show.

7:16 TV producers everywhere: there's no rule that you can ONLY cut to black people after actors from The Help win a prize. It's all freed up!

7:19 The unsung hero of this award season so far is the genial, dapper handsomeness of Kenneth Branagh. So pulled together. All smiles, always.

7:21 These ladies from The Help have mastered how to use their speeches to push back at people's condescension toward and gripes with the movie.

7:22 (I'm not saying all the gripes are undeserved. But they sure do have to hit the ball back at a lot of arrogant questions.)

7:23 TV BEST ACTOR (COMEDY) Subtle signals that even 30 Rock table thinks six, consecutively, is Enough for Alec. Similar signals from other attendees, but less subtle.

7:24 See? Jon Cryer only needs four minutes to assume his Happy For You game face. That's a professional. He's won an Emmy, people.

7:28 TV BEST ACTRESS (COMEDY) You guys. The Betty White thing. How much is enough? At some level, I realize nothing is enough. But at the prize-giving level...

7:29 Julie Bowen took what can only be called a gulp of wine after Betty bested her. She smooched Ty Burrell, in his little checkered shirt.

7:31 Jessica Chastain is here to insist serenely that there really are actors in cities besides NYC and LA. We also have doctors here! And food!

7:33 TV BEST ENSEMBLE (COMEDY) Kevin and Kyra are here to salute "the hits of a new generation." I'm not sure if this is to make the nominees seem fresh or K&K seem old. [Winner: Modern Family]

7:34 Can somebody fill me in on Jim Parsons' relationship to outness?

7:36 So will Sofia Vergara never win a solo prize, and people will go, "Lame!" Or will she win past her sell-date, and people will go, "So lame!"

7:39 Lili Taylor is doing voice-over for car ads. Am I more sad for her, or for the not-famous actor who once would have gotten that gig?

7:42 TV BEST ACTRESS (TV MOVIE) Glenn Close and Kenneth Branagh, presenting together! I can smell 1989 from here...

7:43 At what point do you vote for Diane Lane, just to thank her for sitting patiently and gorgeously through all those Winslet wins? #SAG

7:44 Kate Wins(let). She's not here, because everyone told her she had NO chance of winning. Not for this role.

7:47 The Help is about "women who would not let themselves be defined their jobs." That's their lead. (And Skeeter? Who's kinda aiming for that?)

7:47 TV BEST ACTOR (TV MOVIE) Zoe Saldana and Armie Hammer read a list of the real people these guys are nominated for playing. Don't fret, guys! We have biopics in here! [Winner: Paul Giamatti]

7:50 I would describe the mood in the room as... 60% seasonal fatigue, 10% desire to win, 30% annoyance with clapping for the same people, AGAIN.

7:53 Upon announcing the historic merger of SAG and AFTRA, which IS a big deal, the only sensible choice is to cut to Shailene Woodley. #SAG

7:55 My favorite reply to the Parsons question is @dylchap's: "Adjacent." Y'all apparently have your fingers on the pulse! I know nothing.

7:58 Shailene's spending the commercial break on her Blackberry, helping me get better residuals and a good back-end on this Twitter. #SAG

7:59 What does Rose Byrne have to do to get in on this intro?

8:01 Every time Bridesmaids is described as anything besides "the female Hangover," an angel gets its wings. And a hideous dress loses its tulle.

8:01 LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD: MARY TYLER MOORE Standing ovation for Dick Van Dyke, presenting! "Hi, everybody. I'm what's left of Dick Van Dyke." Gretchen Mol ponders him, studiously.

8:02 Dick Van Dyke sounds exactly like Liza Minnelli after two cigars.

8:05 Mary Tyler Moore invented capri pants, but it was TOO MUCH for everybody. They had to mete out the capris. There were meetings about this.

8:09 Not to pull focus from MTM, but TNT just showed a double-profile shot of Tilda and Angelina, clapping, and it was like being on Mt Olympus.

8:13 Whoa. Difficult moment. Mary Tyler Moore deserves that prize 100% but it looks like it took a toll on her to be up there. Uneasy television.

8:16 The Mentalist ads have tried to pitch it as every possible genre: screwball, action, mystery, character drama. The next will be all-sung.

8:18 TV BEST ACTRESS (DRAMA) This was the Year of the Woman on television. Actresses were finally hired to be lawyers, as well as DAs. And one's a nosy neighbor!

8:19 Jessica Lange drops a pause in the middle of the phrase "upper-body ...strength" just because she can, and she got bored.

8:20 Lange: "Thanks to all the crazy... imaginative... people... who come up with this ...wild ride." #TheAromaOfAmbivalence

8:22 Dujardin has the collywobbles when he has to read from the teleprompter, but while Bejo is talking, he happily gets back to Eyebrow Acting.

TV BEST ACTOR (DRAMA) 8:23 If Steve Buscemi wins, the Bridesmaids ladies will have to take one for the team.

8:25 Cranston mimes knocking at a door! Adorable. It seems clear he is ready to conquer comedy, now that he already owns dramas and thrillers.

8:27 Announcer: "Please welcome Meryl Streep." Why didn't she just say, "Bow your heads"? Or just, "Subjects!" Or pass a tithing hat.

8:28 Put pockets and a foot-wide belt on it, and Meryl WILL wear it, sugar.

8:31 A number of the Memoriam clips have extremely awkward themes of death: Elizabeth Taylor, Clarice Taylor, Jackie Cooper crying, "I won't go!"

8:34 The advertising slogan for RuPaul's Drag Race is "Gag on the Eleganza!" They trademarked that right before War Horse got to it.

8:35 TV BEST ENSEMBLE (DRAMA) Linda Gray, Larry Hagman, and Patrick Duffy are co-presenting! Glenn and Kenneth feel like the kids on Modern Family now.

8:38 Boardwalk Empire wins Ensemble! Bottoms up, everybody.

8:41 Melissa McCarthy looks right at Kathy Bates and says, "She's awesome." Big crowd-shout for Midnight in Paris. (Okay, can we have Viola now?)

8:42 BEST ACTOR Natalie takes creamy, easygoing, voluptuous pleasure in reading the teleprompter script, just like she did at the Globes. So relaxed!

8:43 You'll literally never guess this, but for Clooney's clip, they picked that staggeringly unconvincing crying-at-her-bedside scene. #SAG

8:44 Jean Dujardin, people!!! We have got a RACE! Gag on THAT eleganza!

8:46 We're seeing a deep bench of happiness for this win. Angelina was all about it. Brad, George all smiles. Albert Nobbs table: into it.

8:48 Meanwhile, anyone born in the 90s may not know this, but eventually, Brad always morphs into his ladyfriend's spitting image. Always.

8:51 BEST ACTRESS The drivel that Ben Kingsley has to recite before presenting Best Actress is choke-worthy even by the standards of these sorts of things.

8:52 Viola's Bronx cheer sounds louder than Meryl's, but they're both impressive. Tilda's is surprisingly robust.

8:53 Tilda cringes and shrugs off her nomination, again.

8:53 VIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOLA.

8:56 Viola pays it forward to Cicely Tyson. Who NEEDS to be on anyone's shortest possible list for Lifetime Achievement next year.

8:57 BEST ENSEMBLE And The Help pulls down Best Ensemble. Cicely gets to go up there after all! 12 actors are on the official list. These are some happy gals!

9:00 Viola Davis: "We ALL of us - I don't care how ordinary you feel - can inspire a change." And with that, an Octavia whoop, and a group hug.

9:01 I would like to thank this ersatz live-feed for giving me access to the show. I have ladled piping-hot viruses into my computer, I'm sure.

9:02 As Angelina and Tilda talk passionately about who knows what (??!!), we sign off. Sorry for clogging the feeds, everybody. Come back, now!