Live-Blogging the 2016 SAG Awards

9:00pm: Demi nabs one more camera moment to send everyone home. Beneath the credits, Tom Hooper is standing way too close to Julianne Moore and trying to spread his toxic fumes onto her. Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman are borderline making out as they stand up from their chairs, so some things are still exactly as they should be.

8:59pm: Big cheers for Compton while Demi recites, but the winner is—after Demi Moore's significant struggles with the envelope—the cast of Spotlight. I sorta think Tom McCarthy just reached over and victory-patted one of his actors on the butt, but I couldn't tell if it was Crudup or McAdams. Ruffalo winds up as ambassador. The Spotlight cast looks truly surprised and truly overjoyed. Keaton, Crudup, Slattery, and Schreiber all project granite, serious manface, so the camera crew decides to frame Ruffalo against the smilier D'Arcy James and McAdams. Ruffalo passes the SAG baton to Keaton, who says, "This is really for the disenfranchised everywhere... This is for every Flint, Michigan everywhere... This is for the powerless - and you can hang me for that if you want to, I really don't care." Nobody in this room is gonna hang him for that. Certainly not Sunrise Coigney, still the partner and audience member most prone to being emotionally overcome, for which I adore her.

8:58pm: BEST ENSEMBLE (Beasts, Big Short, Spotlight, Compton, Trumbo hahaha) - I still think Spotlight will take this, but if Big Short surprises, that might be all she wrote for the Oscar race. Certainly Spotlight would get my vote, with Compton its only close competitor, and not even that close.

8:57pm: Demi. Just hilarious.

8:56pm: This is Leo's first win in nine SAG nominations, apparently. He describes how he got his first movie role in This Boy's Life as a 15-year-old, and spent the next year watching as much of film history as he could, "All the way from Jimmy Cagney to Robert De Niro," which is an amazing range. He gives the Scorsese-branded pitch that young actors absorb as much cinema history as they can, which I'm all for. The speech is actually pretty good, even if I can't help sounding sour.

8:55pm: Kate Winslet was lurking behind Leo's chair for a surprise hug. That's lovely.

8:55pm: I mean, if even Julianne, who is a WIZARD, can't open the envelope...

8:54pm: Cranston's clip is against the JAG guy (swoon) as John Wayne. Depp's is that scene where he looks like the weird old stowaway on The Polar Express. You know the one. DiCaprio's is where he has suppurating lesions and ain't afraid to die anymore, and is out of breath. Fassbender's is begging for his corporate life at the boardroom table, with all the rain behind him. Redmayne's is "But then - something changed."

8:53pm: Julianne Moore in glitzly, spangly, bandage-y, chartreuse-y, lotta lotta DRESS dress to present BEST ACTOR (Cranston, Depp, DiCaprio, Fassbender, Redmayne) - Hahaha, remember Black Mass?? Allow me this Schadenfreude. It's the only way to get through the inevitable DiCaprio/Revenant inanity.

8:52pm: C'mon, TNT commercial break, let's pull this thing together....

8:48pm: My biggest laugh of the night was prompted by the pre-commercial announcer, who just informed us that DEMI MOORE will present the Best Ensemble prize. I love how Demi still pulls the marionette strings in Hollywood. She goes dormant for years at a time, and then is all, "I think I'll present the posthumous award to Heath Ledger, not any of these currently-famous bozos," or "Nobody under 20 even knows who I am anymore, but how about I present the biggest SAG award of the night k thx bye."

8:47pm: Yep, it's Brie Larson. I still don't get the red thing on the back of her dress. "I feel like I was born questioning everything about reality" is one of the first things she says in her speech. Admits to feeling chronically lonely and unlovable. Thanks all the actors who inspired her growing up, especially amidst those feelings. She thanks Jacob Tremblay effusively, but the TV crew knows that this is also, tacitly, a shout-out to his dad. That right boob is threatening always to just boob right out.

8:46pm: Blanchett's clip is "We're not ugly people." Larson's is her fight with her mom. Mirren's is "They destroyed my family, they killed my friends," but she's taking off her earrings at her table, so she seems pessimistic. Ronan's is a spoilerific admission to her Mom back in Ireland. Silverman's is the wordless scene of having forgotten to bring the pass she was supposed to bring to school, which is a really odd choice. Is Sarah Silverman really with Michael Sheen?

8:45pm: BEST ACTRESS (Blanchett, Larson, Mirren, Ronan, Silverman) - I guess Larson has become an increasingly prohibitive favorite, with Ronan her only conceivable competition, and I'll live happily with that, though I couldn't remotely imagine checking anybody's box but Blanchett's on this roster. Still, I assume Larson's got this.

8:41pm: Sorry, I'm sure that Downton speech was sweet, but I zoned out and read my funny friends on Twitter.

8:38pm: Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Keegan-Michael Key walk out and trudge through some verbiage about TV ensemble work. But haven't we done those categories already? Then it reveals itself as a joke about that kind of ceremony-prose BS. BEST TV ENSEMBLE - DRAMA (Downton, Thrones, Homeland, House of Cards, Mad Men) - Ha! I thought we'd already done this category! That's how much I'm hanging on the outcome. I'd have bet on Mad Men, but Hamm's loss and everyone else's individual absence from the ballots makes me think Game of Thrones. Oh, but hahaha, it's Downton Abbey, who never seem to think they or their show are as good as SAG thinks it is.

8:34pm: Is this Animal Kingdom show that TNT is hawking an actual U.S.-based reboot of the Aussie film? And if so, am I to understand that Ellen Barkin is Jacki Weaver? Gonna have to think on that one.

8:32pm: Lots of those actors were honored with commercial spots they did for TV, which is a nice way of reminding us what a lot of SAG members do for a living, or hope to.

8:31pm: The In Memoriam honorees in order were: Omar Sharif, Anita Ekberg, Theodore Bikel, Betsy Palmer, Taylor Negron, Ann Meara, Rod Taylor, Dean Jones, Wayne Rogers, Pat Harrington Jr., Marge Royce, Martin Milner, Donna Douglas, Stan Freberg, Windell Middlebrooks, George Coe, John P. Connell, Christopher Lee, Lizabeth Scott, Dickie Moore (the Blonde Venus kid!), Roger Rees, Louis Jourdan, Gary Owens, Dick Van Patten, Geoffrey Lewis, Richard Dysart, David Bowie (the Sarandon connection, and the loudest applause so far), Paul Napier, Elizabeth Wilson, Jack Larson, Natalie Cole (she acted?), Judy Carne, Robert Loggia (audible clapping), Jayne Meadows, Alex Rocco, Al Molinaro, Patrick Macnee, Fred Dalton Thompson, Fred Canary, Marjorie Lord, Maureen O'Hara, Alan Rickman (thunderous applause), Leonard Nimoy.

8:30pm: Susan Sarandon, her plunging white tuxedo coat, and her sheer navy tube top are here in all their due solemnity to honor those who have recently passed.

8:27pm: Priyanka's super-excited to present to "my favorite!" Kevin Spacey. Jon Hamm must be disappointed. Spacey starts by thanking "our Creator," by which he means Beau Willimon. Spacey thanks his manager of 28 years, who is now his "senior advisor." Then he thanks his new manager, but doesn't thank this person by name. Then something about the theory of relativity, which I truly thought was a McConaughey jab, but turns out to be at least partially sincere.

8:26pm: Are all the young women with white-blonde hair in Game of Thrones supposed to look like they're wearing wigs, or are they just wearing bad wigs? I have never not been distracted by this when watching clips from this show.

8:25pm: Boy, they really are worried about time. The two presenters for the next award are already on stage. One of them is Priyanka Chopra from Quantico. I have no idea who the guy is. BEST TV ACTOR - DRAMA (Dinklage, Hamm, Malek, Odenkirk, Spacey) - I'm assuming Hamm's got this, at which point he gets one more chance to give a speech that doesn't make me sad and cranky at the same time. Would be great to see a vote for Malek here, though.

8:24pm: Idris Elba and young, stellar Abraham Attah walk out to introduce a clip from Beasts of No Nation. Idris starts, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Diverse TV" and gets a lot of applause. Not as much applause as Abraham gets when Idris compliments his brilliant playing.

8:22pm: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban try to kickstart a standing ovation for Viola Davis's third individual SAG win, but outside of Tom Hooper, they don't get a whole lot of takers. Viola quotes an old saying, "I'm not who you think I am. You are who you think I am," and defends the value of unlikable, non-heroic characters. But, has acting on this show really been "the joy pleasure of [her] life?" Considering August Wilson, etc., that sort of surprises me.

8:21pm: Claire acting crazy on an escalator. Viola Davis telling some blonde lady how f'd up she is. Julianna Margulies telling Chris Noth how f'd up he is. Maggie Smith being - well, I'll just let you guess. Robin Wright insisting to Kevin Spacey that he's reading too much into something, which is usually something Kevin Spacey says.

8:20pm: Taye Diggs and Eva Longoria to present BEST TV ACTRESS - DRAMA (Danes, Davis, Margulies, Smith, Wright) - We've seen enough repeat winners already that I'm not going to doubt Viola Davis all that quickly, but Maggie Smith is always, always, always a possibility, especially for a group that's hot for Woman in Gold.

8:13pm: She recalls being told by the network that "comedy variety is a man's game." I assume she wanted more applause here, and in our hearts, she got it. Nice acknowledgments to her most frequent and famous co-stars.

8:12pm: Shout-out to Bob Mackie, and then a cut that proves Bob Mackie is here!

8:11pm: Carol praises Tina and Amy as "the whole ball of wax" and remembers the days of seeing six or eight movies a week, then going home with her best friend and acting out all the parts: Betty Grable, Dan Dailey, Nelson Eddy, Jeanette Macdonald, Tarzan and Jane.

8:10pm: Of all the people you could cut to while Carol Burnett proceeds to the stage, why not Naomi Watts?

8:09pm: I totally understand the point that comedy gets no respect, and I'm not trying to pick fights here or rain on anybody's moment, but speaking for myself, a lot of the hamming and broad farce I'm seeing here does not seem harder than, say, what Cate Blanchett does in Carol. But that's just me, I'm an unreconstructed drama fan, and I have a lead pipe for a funny bone and a pebble for a heart.

8:06pm: Tribute reel includes testimonies from Betty White, Jane Lynch, Ellen DeGeneres. (Note: I imagine Carol Burnett also inspired some men.)

8:01pm: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are here to present Carol Burnett's award, and I'm already feeling grateful. Just when they seem totally in earnest, Tina Fey pulls a great joke about Burnett's most recent triumph, "This year's Carol, the moving story of Carol Burnett's close, 50-year friendship with Julie Andrews." Amy, after ragging on Leo and all his insufferable Revenant PR: "The point is, Carol is better than all of us. And we're gonna give her a prize for it." Tina says something sweet about how inspiring it was to be a young girl seeing that Carol wasn't just funny and beautiful but that she was obviously the boss: "And that implanted in our minds that we could one day grow up, and be funny, and be successful, and work with our friends, but also be their boss."

8:00pm: OMG, they heard me! We're back from commercial break with Diane Lane, Bryan Cranston, and Helen Mirren, all of whom are more charismatic in person than Trumbo allows them to be. The trio helpfully describe most of Trumbo's entire narrative, for all the people watching who never came close to seeing it, or even hearing of it.

7:58pm: We only have five categories and the Lifetime Achievement Award to Carol Burnett left to go. Probably some kind of In Memoriam tribute, too. And the all-important clips from Trumbo! It briefly occurred to me that we might be done by 8:30 CST? But then I laughed at myself.

7:55pm: I wonder if I could suggest a simple light adhesive to the makers of the SAG envelopes. Nobody seems well-equipped to open them. No need to bolt down that flap.

7:53pm: Idris Elba wins again, which means Jacob Tremblay has to pass a trophy he's barely strong enough to hold to the man who bested him earlier tonight for another one. I love that Elba's children got a tribute, albeit at the end of his second speech. Sweet, but don't let your heads get too big, guys.

7:52pm: Idris Elba's clip proves he can look amazing even in pouring rain and virtually no light. Kingsley's proves that he can still overact in five seconds flat. Ray Liotta's clip is terrifying, and makes William H. Macy in Shameless look well-kempt. Bill Murray's conversation with Chris Rock makes clear why I didn't even consider watching. Mark Rylance's Wolf Hall clip didn't excite me as much as I'd hoped.

7:51pm: Noted BFFs Brie Larson and Jacob Tremblay present BEST TV ACTOR - MOVIE/MINISERIES (Elba, Kingsley, Liotta, Murray, Rylance) - A duel between Idris Elba and slight favorite Mark Rylance, I'm guessing, but I'm totally hung up on the fact that Ben Kingsley is still getting cast in things like Tut and still getting nominated for them. 

7:49pm: Ruffalo, McAdams, and Keaton introduce a Spotlight clip with what you'd have to call minimal verve, until Keaton rides in to ham it up a bit.

7:47pm: And yep, it's the Queen! Julianna Margulies high-fives the beautiful woman sitting there with Queen Latifah, which only adds to the general impression that they are close. Latifah does some curls with the statuette, then yells out her excitement. "Thank you Shakim, my partner. At Flav Unit." I got really excited during that long pause before "At Flav Unit." Latifah walks back toward the podium after finishing her speech, and once the sound is off, blows two kisses in the air toward her table. Which, who knows?

7:46pm: Kidman's clip is the beginning of her long speech about making a difference in the world. Latifah's is running down the stairs after a kid. Ricci's involves her scaring little kids. Which... Sarandon's - I'm guessing she's Marilyn Monroe's mother? Sarandon has fished out those old you-know-whats, for sure. Wiig's is crooning at the microphone, begging for a drink. And there she is, seated with Amy Poehler.

7:45pm: Anna Faris and Anthony Mackie acknowledge the members of the U.S. Armed Forces. Sure! And now onto the directly pertinent category, BEST TV ACTRESS - MOVIE/MINISERIES (Kidman, Latifah, Ricci, Sarandon, Wiig) - Christina Ricci made a Lizzie Borden movie? Dang. This is tough to predict, but I like Latifah's chances, and I hate myself for not watching Bessie yet, even after buying the DVD several months ago.

7:44pm: Uh, I just thought of a way they could have shaved at least a minute off their telecast.

7:40pm: Howard introduces a montage of actors playing actors, starting with Louie, then Dead Poets Society, then Jean Simmons in The Actress, then before long Full Frontal (!), then not much later I'll Do Anything. This is a deep dig! Points for Alan Rickman in Galaxy Quest, though, and then Soapdish, and then Fat Actress, and then Jane Fonda in Youth, and then Teri Garr in Tootsie, and then the filet mignon, Meryl Streep's SAG joke in Postcards from the Edge.

7:38pm: Here's Ken Howard, aka That Guy from Joy, aka second-term president of SAG-AFTRA. He's been told the show is already running one minute long. Burn, Saoirse! He salutes SAG, AFTRA, and IATSE and all the work they do, which I completely know is the whole point of the evening, but I wind up only half-listening.

7:36pm: So, I'd say Supporting Actor looks a bit less in flux now, because if Rylance can't even top Elba, who failed to get an Oscar nomination, what match is he for Stallone? Supporting Actress could still go any which way, in the manner of 2007, but as I suspected, Vikander looks like she's pulling ahead, either on pure Danish Girl momentum (is that a thing?) or on body of work points.

7:32pm: Idris Elba!! You guys, take a moment right here to make a donation to The Film Experience, because Nathaniel called the sh** out of this, and I didn't see where he was coming from at all. Carol Burnett looks not entirely aware of who Idris Elba is. Idris got his SAG card from Law & Order, he reports from the stage. "Cary Fukunaga, you are a G for making this movie," is a good line. "Ted Something, Whatever, from Netflix" is even better, and perfectly earnest. "We made a film about real people and real lives," he says, which would be even more convincing if Beasts had bothered to delineate a real, specific nation. But, you know, splitting hairs. Christian Bale, in the role of Gracious Loser, claps vigorously as Idris bounds off stage. Leo DiCaprio, in the role of Ambassador From Brute Reality, nods solemnly as he politely applauds.

7:31pm: Christian's clip is from the job interview he conducts in his first scene. I think Elba's is his first scene, too. Rylance's is in front of that "NO EXCESSIVE NOISE" sign, a really subtle touch by the production design team. Shannon's is "America was built by bailing out winners." Tremblay's is "I want a different story!" and he gets the handsomest dad, I mean the loudest applause.  Saoirse's not yet a dab hand at opening up that envelope. Wait for it, folks...

7:30pm: Saoirse Ronan is announced and is nowhere. Music plays for 15 seconds. "Well, that went well," she ad libs, and admits she was just happily watching the Compton clip and drinking her water and zoning out. She's here to present BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR (Bale, Elba, Rylance, Shannon, Tremblay) - Am I crazy for thinking Tremblay has the edge here? Could easily be Rylance or Bale, but even without the added bonus of that viral video of his BFCA speech, the Room kid seems like an irresistible SAG pick. I'd vote for Bale myself, followed closely by Shannon, though this is a pretty solid field, no matter how little it overlaps with Oscar's.

7:28pm: The Straight Outta Compton stars follow immediately upon Vikander's win. She was supposed to play Tupac in that movie, but as we know, her schedule got filled by the other 68 movies she made this year. The Compton clip reminds me of how exciting the concert sequences were in that movie, and how up-and-down the rest of it was, though the actors were never less than terrific.

7:25pm: Alicia Vikander takes it! Savage Grace table mates Julianne Moore, Eddie Redmayne, and Tom Hooper are super-psyched. Middle-background players Nicole Kidman and Ryan Gosling also look enthusiastic. Keith Urban is throwing back the whole rest of his glass of wine during her speech. Maybe he's where I am, thinking how much better The Danish Girl might have been had it gone ahead with his wife. Alicia is wonderful extemporizing about what it was like to observe the camaraderie of theater actors when she was young, and on the necessary teamwork of acting. Mirren's nodding, Redmayne's glowing, and even Keith Urban looks won over.

7:24pm: Rooney's clip is "I barely even know what to order for lunch." Rachel's is trying to explain to Neal Huff that he has to be patient. Mirren's - does it even matter? One of the scenes where she acts imperious and lords it over some white guy. Vikander's is "I need to talk to my husband, I need to hold my husband." Kate's is in the elevator, with her back almost entirely to camera?

7:23pm: "Ladies and gentlemen: Jeremy Renner." Why, I wonder? He's here to present BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS (Mara, McAdams, Mirren, Vikander, Winslet) - I will jump for joy if Mara wins, which is not a very Mara thing to do. I'm guessing Vikander and Winslet both have better shots, but I truly have no idea.

7:21pm: Long interlude when TNT is just broadcasting a slide that says "DRAMATIC PAUSE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK." ???

7:16pm: Orange Is the New Black wins again. I think that's Lori Petty in a complicated pink pantsuit-cum-dress, with truly deranged glasses? Laura Prepon speaks for the group. "Look at this stage. This is what we talk about when we talk about diversity." Lea DeLaria on a SAG stage. It was never inevitable, folks.

7:13pm: Patricia Arquette and J.K. Simmons presenting together, again. Oddly, for BEST TV ENSEMBLE - COMEDY (Big Bang, Key & Peele, Modern Family, Orange, Transparent, Veep) - I'm guessing Transparent, followed closely by Orange, but boy would I love for Key & Peele to take it. This many years in, the cast of Modern Family looks all clapped out at their table, even after their footage shows.

7:12pm: Christian Bale and Steve Carell introduce footage from The Big Short which "explored the dark side of modern banking." Imagine the bright side of modern banking! Ryan Gosling and Marisa Tomei are slouched in each other's laps, almost, chairs close together, deep in conversation.

7:10pm: "Get up here, Dad," Bateman says to Tambor. I forgot there was Meaningful Presenter potential here, too. Tambor walks past the Savage Grace table, which is probably the 2014 Winners table, but not to me.  Tambor salutes the whole Transparent table, "the most amazing cast I've ever worked with - except for Jason!" Bites his lip, with mock regret. Tambor dedicates the prize to "all the Maura Pfeffermans without a lot of cash, for their operations, for their medicines." Big applause.

7:07pm: BEST TV ACTOR (Burrell, Louis CK, Macy, Parsons, Tambor) - I'd assume Tambor is way out in front on this one? Sarah Silverman, co-presenting with Jason Bateman, can't get through her TelePromTer script without pulling out her eyeglasses and applying a fake mustache. Joe Manganiello, pretty close-cropped, is at the Modern Family table, because Vergara. The clip of William H. Macy in a soiled sleeveless T-shirt and pajama bottoms is a lot. 

7:05pm: It's Uzo Aduba again, just like last year. I love her every time I hear her speak or read her interviewed, but even I am starting to feel unsure why she's the only Orange cast member ever nominated for anything. Wonder how the other Orange gals are taking this. Maybe they're just thrilled. Maybe they'll take Ensemble again, like they did last year. Aduba ends her speech with a moving encouragement to all the actors at home, exhorting them not to give up.

7:04pm: Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm do a great burlesque of empty stage patter before presenting BEST TV ACTRESS (Aduba, Falco, Kemper, Louis-Dreyfus, Poehler) - I'm guessing it's Kemper, since her name is already listed in gold on the SAG site? Seeing Wiig present to Kemper would sure be a blast.

7:00pm: First "I'm an Actor" reminiscence is by Jeffrey Tambor, which already means Joe Reid won't go five-for-five. Now it's Chlumsky. Feel terrible for Joe. I mean that third guy. Who could've seen that coming?

6:53pm: I'm switching over to TNT now, so I'm missing whomever Giuliana corners last. And honestly, nobody could top Nicole. For my pains, I am treated to the last few minutes of The Blind Side, including the moment when toddler S.J. checks out some college girls' figures as they walk past, and Leigh Anne threatens to cut off her son's penis. That's America.

6:46pm: The Kidman-Urbans on the interview platform! Next to an incongruous shelf of flowers and houseplants? Nicole interviewed a few people who knew Grace Kelly, but also relied on fan testimonies, like those of her Mom. There's some acting research: ask your Mom! Nicole feels like the world divides into Marilyn Monroe people and Grace Kelly people, and her mom is a Grace person, and so is she. "Hey, which one are you?" it suddenly occurs to Nicole to ask her husband. "The you camp," he responds. She giggles and rolls her eyes. "You can't pick me," she says. "Marilyn Monroe or Grace Kelly." He won't bite. She really loved doing her recent play in the UK and getting to talk with her audiences outside the theater after the show. Love her. Asked about her Grace of Monaco nomination: "The whole film had such a strange journey, so for it to end up here with an acknowledgment like this is really lovely." Strange journey is one way to put it.

6:41pm: A truly newsworthy conversation about which emojis Kate Winslet uses most often in her texts ("I love the poo one") yields the info that Michael Fassbender, who'll be skipping tonight, sent her a text of support this morning with the martini emoji and the shrimp emoji, which Giuliana didn't realize were options. Then they have to go. "Kate, you've been one of my favorite interviews of the night." Kate looks like she can't believe this could possibly be true. "Yep, well, this was me. I'll never change."

6:39pm: Kate Winslet is so grateful for E!'s livecam because she's seeing herself in her pine-green Armani dress for the first time since leaving the house. Kate's still shocked that she won that Golden Globe. "To be honest with you, I've been so focused on Leo, and him winning everything," that she hadn't thought much about her own nomination. She also assumed Rooney Mara or Alicia Vikander would win, which is kind of funny, because you know only one of them was nominated in her category that night.

6:37pm: Kate and Rooney Mara are coerced to clear up the pronunciation of their last name (sounds more like hair than car, kittens). When asked if their two Valentino dresses capture who they respectively are as people, Rooney says, "No." There are definitely more effusive people in the world, but you know what? It takes all kinds.

6:31pm: I'm so impressed that this E! guy - who I sort of think might have been that guy on The Comeback? - could pick Kaley Cuoco out of a crowd. I have never once successfully done that. Kaley's hot for the current ABC Bachelor. Way more interesting is whatever slightly stern thing Susan Sarandon is saying in the background to a woman in headset microphone.

6:30pm: Saoirse Ronan's starring in The Crucible? For Ivo van Hove? That should be exciting. Buy up those tickets, New Yorkers! Saoirse always seems like such a sweetheart.

6:28pm: Marisa Tomei is in some serious forest-green Studio 54 chic. Plunging neckline, fabric to her ankles. Aunt May is going to be so freaking fierce.

6:26pm: So far everybody I don't recognize is either on Game of Thrones or Orange Is the New Black.

6:25pm: Claire Danes here to prove that Homeland is still on. She's about to start rehearsals for a Public Theater comedy with Hank Azaria and John Krasinski. I know millions of people envy the stars, and possibly envy young parents, but Claire has no time to watch TV and hadn't seen a movie in the theater in three years until taking her young chirren Cyrus to see Peanuts in December. So, jealousy isn't primary in my mind right now.

6:24pm: Same E! host is trying to coax more dance moves out of noted floor-destroyer Jacob Tremblay, who's kind of into it, kind of embarrassed, and kind of like, "Dude, you don't have better questions for me than this?" I'm honestly kind of wondering if Tremblay might win tonight.

6:21pm: Jesse Tyler Ferguson, adorable as ever, talking with his gay buddy who's also an E! interviewer, gushing about Barbra Streisand's recent voice cameo on Modern Family and showing off his diamond Chopard cufflinks. Sorry if this dates me but listening to a gay nominee talk to a gay red carpet journalist about his gay husband and their crushes on Barbra Streisand is exciting to me.

6:15pm: Lots of folks looking great: Saoirse Ronan in what looks like form-fitting mauve crochet; Viola Davis encased in layers of shiny, dark olive fabric; Queen Latifah in tight, sequined, statuesque black; Nicole Kidman once again keeping the bar high in a bright, colorful, 60s-into-70s Gucci print, looking elated as ever to be in the company of her darling husband, and he with her. The Redmayne-Bagshawes are also emanating connubial bliss. Hollywood: good for relationships!

6:14pm: "Idris, how does it make you feel to have three nominations tonight?" / "You know what, it makes me feel sexy." Okay, Idris! Hope you acclimate quickly to that brand-new feeling.

6:13pm: Rami brought his mom to the Golden Globes and his show's publicist as his date to SAG, and none of that has to mean anything. It's his mom's birthday, which he's amazed Giuliana knows, and he promptly wishes her a Happy 70th. And I can't help thinking, Rami Malek's mother is 70 years old?

6:12pm: Rami Malek's on Giuliana's platform now, and I still say he's one pair of colored contacts away from nailing that Amir Soltani Story audition.

6:05pm: Brie Larson admits she picked her dress this morning in a jet-lagged haze after an all-night flight from Australia, where I assume she's shooting Kong: Skull Island. This admission could conceivably come back to haunt her, though I think she looks good. More importantly, I like Brie's honesty. Asked how this whole awards season experience has felt, she admits, "Frankly, it has involved a whole lot of saying goodbye to some privacy and some quiet and huge parts of what now feels like an old life I really loved, and saying hello, even welcoming, a new life that's very exciting but very, very different. I'm not even sure how I feel about it, though I'm very grateful." I'm paraphrasing, but only barely. Emotional candor on the red carpet! Point: Brie.

6:04pm: I'm going to go there. I'm going to give Giuliana some credit where it's due. She doesn't only ask the same questions as everyone else. I'm not saying they always draw galvanizing responses, but "So, Sarah Silverman, I'm curious what other stand-up comedians say to you after they see your I Smile Back performance?" is not standard-issue. (Answer: "They say the best possible thing, which is, 'I feel like I'm so proud of you, and I don't even know why?'")

6:02pm: Giuliana to Alicia Vikander: "The Danish Girl. Ex Machina. The Vogue Cover. I mean, Wow. In all that, what was the #1 Pinch Me Moment?" Vikander's answer: hanging with her parents on the Vegas set of the new Bourne movie—their first trip to the States—and getting to celebrate the Oscar nomination with them. Sweet.

6:01pm: I should warn you that XFinity doesn't broadcast the commercials you see on normal TV, so my standard operating procedure for liveblogging will be significantly hobbled.

5:58pm: Brie Larson, glimpsed in dumb show, is in a kind of asymmetrical, ripped-but-elegant, pale blue dress that has a peekaboo cutout in the bodice, revealing what seems like an entire boob. There's also a kind of red, seatbelt-style strap in the back that seems like a weighted contraption, holding down a strap that isn't actually attached to the rest of the dress. This is a real dare. Wardrobe Malfunction Possibilities seem extreme. Alicia Vikander is in a sequined sheath that's sort of Mondrian. White blocks. Gold blocks. Bronze blocks. Black bars. All different sizes. 

5:57pm: Eva Longoria to Giuliana Rancic, when asked about the designer's inspiration when making her dress: "I don't know! I didn't make it! I just put it on! I'm guessing her inspiration was probably 'Show Some Skin.'"

5:55pm: So what I'm learning is that Blogger and XFinity aren't going to hang all that well together. So I'm going to type this up in private and then drop the whole thing after it's finished. As a surprise. Like a Beyoncé album.

5:48pm: Just tuned into E! Red Carpet coverage a moment ago, and so far I know that Gaby Hoffmann has been campaigning in Iowa for Bernie Sanders, that her dress can sort of change color when you swipe your hand over parts of it (?!), and that Giuliana Rancic is as uncanny as ever. Hang tight while I get fuller into the swing of things.

5:45pm: A friend has allowed me to watch the SAG Awards on her XFinity account while she slaves away on a paper she has to write! Keep smiling, keep shining, etc. I have no idea if this connection will persist, so I'm being coy about this liveblog until I'm more confident. So if you notice this is up before I've announced it on Twitter, I'll know you're one of my REAL FANS.