Liveblogging the 2014 Golden Globes
10:00: And BEST PICTURE (DRAMA) goes to a movie Meryl has re-christened Boyhoooood. The Ellar-Lorelei-Ethan-Patricia family is having the best time up there. They feel like a family! (But Patricia is clearly being pierced by her whalebone corset. It's a new century, girl! We have Spanx now, and Tadashi Shoji! No need to go full Edith Wharton if it's hurting you. Or just let it hang out! What I'm saying is, the pain isn't worth it.)
9:59: Imitation Game's won nothing, right? I'm really asking. Even though it seems like I'm just rubbing it in.
9:58: Only in this immediate context, I feel a bit sorry for this American Sniper ad.
9:57: And I assume it's going to be Boyhood? But it could be any of them, kind of, Foxcatcher aside? Right?
9:56: FOR ONCE, Meryl is going to present Best Picture! Hasn't that literally never happened?
9:54: When Eddie Redmayne wins BEST ACTOR (DRAMA), his fellow nominees all get visibly misty-eyed, especially Gyllenhaal and Oyelowo, but whether they're sad about losing or inspired by him or just tired past their wits or 45% constituted of champagne, it's all impossible to say.
9:53: I don't know who Benedict and Keira brought with them as their dates to this thing but they don't even stand for Julianne Moore winning BEST ACTRESS (DRAMA) and one of them checked her phone while Julianne walked up there, so as far as I'm concerned they are beasts and should be outside getting trained or even walked.
9:50: "When your producers tell you you're running long, there's only one thing to do. Ladies and gentlemen, Matthew McConaughey." The joke has no time to ripple, because McConaughey immediately starts doing this weird Yoknapatawpha thing with his voice, and everyone is uncomfortable. And by that, I mean I am.
9:48: What've we got left? Julianne and the Actor and Picture (Drama) prizes? Am I forgetting anything? Did Modern Family already win?
9:44: Robert Downey, Jr., presenting BEST PICTURE (MUSICAL/COMEDY) to something that sh... Whoa!!! It's The Grand Budapest Hotel!! Wes had to put down his glue stick and plastic scissors so fast in order to get up there! Not too many powerful or actual women on that stage with him, but he at least gets more laugh than any scripted "funny bit" all night. (Well, at least since the Amal Alamuddin joke, which remains the night's clear peak.)
9:43: Clip from Foxcatcher, the walking dead of the Best Drama category. Pretty much over for that movie? Wouldn't you say?
9:38: If Aviana Adams Le Gallo is anything like I want her to be, I hope she rips herself away from her Leviathan screener, calls Mommy, and snipes, "You know, Michael Keaton cried about his child. Seems like he really loves him!"
9:37: Oprah's out here to introduce one of the Best Picture nominees. I'm assuming it'll be Foxcatcher. David Oyelowo's tuxedo is glittered, honey.
9:35: I'm not sure the Keaton household sounds too fun. (Actually the Douglas household; who knew?) But I get it, that isn't the point.
9:32: Amy Adams out here to present Michael Keaton with his inevitable but still fully deserved BEST ACTOR (MUSICAL/COMEDY) prize. He calls González Iñárritu a true artist, and somewhere Scott Tobias is dying.
9:31: My confident wager is that Amy Poehler and Tina Fey have been tied up on the phone all night with Bill Cosby's lawyers. Of course, the thing is, I don't imagine those jokes would have played well with the testifying survivors, either, which is the part that's a shame. But that's just my conjecture. I'm sure they'll speak for themselves.
9:26: Ruth Wilson, who is not Alicia Vikander, wins BEST ACTRESS (TV DRAMA) for The Affair. In the top-left corner of the image, Jessica Lange keeps on going with the vodka stingers. Ruth gives her speech. It's fine, if a little weird, as they often are when people aren't used to giving speeches. Apparently, strife has broken out on the Affair set about the beauty or unbeauty of Dominic West's ass, but Ruth has taken a forceful Pro position.
9:25: Richard Linklater: "I just want to dedicate this to all the parents out there, parents evolving everywhere in the world, and families who are just passing through life." The most Linklatery thing he possibly could have said, and super sweet.
9:22: Harrison Ford on BEST DIRECTOR. Give it to Ava!!!!!! Probably AGI, though.
9:21: Owen Wilson also can't sound excited about or familiar with a movie he's involved in, made by personal friends. Who is anesthetizing the talent?
9:20: Eva Longoria's hair is also strafed daily by Sahara winds and snipers' bullets. I truly didn't realize until tonight how damaged people's hair constantly is. Thank god for Ultimate Straight L'Oréal. (No but seriously, where's Abilify?)
9:15: Still, Hollywood's interest in the Clooney-Alamuddin nuptials seems all the more prurient for how the room gets silent when it comes up. I direct them all to what Patricia taught us recently about not salaciously inserting ourselves in other people's couplehoods. And as you can see from this liveblog, I would never artificially insert myself into anything.
9:13: The Clooney montage didn't quite succeed in not making the Cecil B. DeMille citation seem premature, but it's also a deserved tribute to a lot of great, important work that has nothing to do with movies.
9:12: I'm not going to say ANYTHING about how the Clooney montage cut from the line "The best way to do that is to shine a light on atrocities" to footage from The Descendants.
9:06: Julianna Margulies's dress is hemmed at the exact mid-calf place that almost always makes women's legs look like they are six inches long. Which is what I'm thinking about while she talks about friendship and humanitarianism. So, you know, eff me.
9:05: Cutting straight from Spacey's victory to a House of Cards ad proves that, yes, they're trying to coordinate, and yes, HBO and NBC must be in closer cahoots than I understood, and yes, they were that thrown by Amy Adams's surprise win.
9:04: J***s Chr**t, #OdelleLives, stop freaking me out! What are you, even??
9:01: By the way, Kevin Spacey won BEST ACTOR (TV DRAMA). I am incapable of giving him the benefit of the doubt, so I'm contractually obligated to be Over the humble-bragging about the number of times he met Stanley Kramer and the Cate-on-Gravity way in which what I think was meant as a compliment suddenly seemed like ...less of a compliment. Much like Salma Hayek, I mostly just flipped my hair at it and looked determinedly away from him. (Call me, Salma, tell me what you know!!). But I at least feel about it. He was trying to be serious and classy.
8:59: Katherine Heigl just improvised a joke about who is the hottest guy (or character?) in her category, and then it bombed, and then David Duchovny didn't help her out of it, and then she got so embarrassed, and then her eyes began to iridesce with little pin-pricks of tears while she and Duchovny started to present an award in earnest. It was like a tiny little Sarah Kane play. Check the stalls all night, people. We know who'll be crying, we just don't know where.
8:58: This looks like an amazing movie about London-based activists! I love movies about London-based activists! I buy every one of them on DVD, as long as that's the only thing I know about them!
8:56: I feel like it's brutal to transition immediately from the Affair producer's advocacy for "how important our marriages are" to Catherine Zeta-Jones's entrance. But CZJ does brutal plenty well herself. "They're having a well-deserved party" is unmistakably a Welsh phrase meaning, "These bitches need to get out of my light!"
8:55: Is that Kathleen Chalfant? Who is that? In The Affair?
8:53: BEST TV DRAMA includes Downton Abbey, Season 4 as a nominee, not just Downton Abbey, because you simply cannot underestimate how important it is to keep reminding people that We Used to Campaign as a Miniseries, But We Switched That Up. The Affair takes it, care of the HFPA's unceasing devotion to TV series that feel like they debuted five minutes ago.
8:51: Ad for the Gone Girl Blu-Ray and DVD, out on Tuesday. For real, there are a lot of people out there who think this ensemble was really solid and well-coordinated. If you know someone like that? Just be nice to them.
8:47: Amy Adams has said in print that meeting Julianne Moore for the first time at the Roundtable was the best part of awards season so far, but now they're just two girls chatting and giggling between tables, during seemingly every commercial. Fast friends. But who is going to tell Emily.
8:46: WOW. Maggie Gyllenhaal just pipped Frances McDormand for BEST ACTRESS (TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES). How 'bout that, Kyle! Gyllenhaal would have been forgiven for being in an Amy Adams place when she got up there, but she's fantastic, moving us from celebrating Powerful Women to celebrating Actual Women with delicious, "World Is Round, People" confidence and clarity.
8:45: Kate Beckinsale starring in anything called The Disappointments Room seems to hit a nail rather cruelly on the head.
8:43: Jared Leto gets to present Best Supporting Actress alone, but Lupita Nyong'o and Colin Farrell get to present BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM? Okay. I'm happy that it's to Leviathan (Russia), even though I haven't seen it yet, because Andrei Zvyagintsev's other movies are like, whoa. I assumed this was Ida's, and if not Ida's then Force Majeure's, so this is gratifying at that level, too. Coraggio to anybody who tries to make a political statement under NBC lights to a room full of champagne-swilling celebrities.
8:40: That little five-second #OdelleLives ad was uniquely disconcerting. Looks like a hostage drama? That probably counts as putting your hair through a lot every day.
8:36: Another L'Oréal ad, this one with J.Lo: "Believe me, I put this hair through a lot, every day." Jesus, what does she do?
8:34: BEST ACTOR (TV COMEDY) just got better because Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda are presenting it. Louis C.K. never wins anything, right? Except, like, a writing Emmy occasionally? I'm assuming this is Jeffrey Tambor's. Yep. Diane Kruger huddles inside her localized arctic system as Tambor walks by. She's not clapping, and neither is Joshua, but pretty much everyone else is.
8:32: Don't threaten me with Bernie 2, Jack Black. Like, at least say School of Rock 2. We could absolutely talk about that. Ellar is having a good time for the first time tonight. I'll admit this Boyhood clip reminds me of more things I liked about that movie.
8:30: Birdman takes it. I'd predicted Grand Budapest Hotel, so thank god I have no evidence you're even listening to me, except for Liz and Breno and Dave. We learn again that if you're a writer and a director, you can sit in the front of the room, but if you just write, you have to share a bench in a closet in the dim perimeter of the very back of the room.
8:29: Sadly, nobody will every watch that routine again.
8:28: We don't need to hack into his e-mail: I can tell you right now that Jeffrey Katzenberg doesn't think Bill Hader is funny, at all. Meanwhile, can we please make sure Gillian Flynn doesn't win this.
8:26: Oh my god, PLEASE Kristen, do something amazing again while presenting BEST SCREENPLAY that I can watch a thousand times AGAIN. "You cannot make a movie without a screenplay" would be a funnier line if they hadn't done that in Boyhood, which nonetheless got nominated for Screenplay.
8:25: Tina and Amy back, for the first time since the monologue. With Margaret, joking about North Korea and about Orange Is the New Black category fraud.
8:23: Amazingly, XELJANZ is the name of a new drug. In addition to helping you vanquish Hepatitis B or C (as long as it doesn't quietly kill or outright annihilate you, which are two of the potential side-effects), it could also really get you out of a Scrabble jam. I know, it's a proper noun, but maybe XELJANZ will become so popular, so utterly colloquial, that everyone will forget that part.
8:17: Jared Leto's here to present the PATRICIA ARQUETTE AWARD, though exquisite-looking Jessica Chastain might at least have her fingers crossed. As might Keira Knightley, in her Olsen-Sister frock. Nope, it's Patty A., winning an award mostly for saying, "I just thought there'd be more." Which she did say really well. She's equally good at thanking the people who babysat her kids when she was a single mom in her 20s, trying to make a career for herself. And she's good at thanking her handsome husband on this, their anniversary. That represented real forethought on their part, picking this date, back whenever. Just like Boyhood itself, Patricia played the long game! Doesn't always work, as Emmanuelle Riva can tell you, but it's a good hook.
8:16: Kate Hudson shows us, always, that Being a Star and Perennially Auditioning To Be a Star is basically just one big Mobius strip. There's only one side, but which side is it?
8:14: Please tell me that Salma Hayek didn't get this BEST ANIMATED FEATURE assignment because of The Book of Life. The How to Train Your Dragon 2 team is clearly stunned, but they've pulled it together a little better than Amy did.
8:13: Greer Grammer looks darling, but doesn't she wish she were a Gummer, not a Grammer? As do we all.
8:11: Pretty sure Lee Edelman's least favorite actress is Amy Adams. She even mentioned other people's pregnancies.
8:07: Amy Adams won, and there are a LOT of things to say:
a) Would it have been weirder for Julianne to win for a movie that never came out than for Amy to win for a movie that isn't at all a Musical or even remotely a Comedy?
b) Is "Amy Adams' best friend is Emily Blunt" still a thing?
c) Is NBC doing something by cutting almost directly to a L'Oréal ad starring Julianne Moore? Did some editor somewhere just bet on the wrong horse?
d) Winners often say they had no idea they were going to win, but this is actually what it looks like when someone had zero expectation of winning. The clearest emblem of that very rare phenomenon since Renée Zellweger. Or, okay, since Joanne Froggatt.
e) Do you think Amy only talks about her daughter? Who is four, and yet watched Olive Kittredge?
8:04: All the BEST ACTRESS (MUSICAL/COMEDY) nominees suddenly don't want to win, because they don't want to risk meeting Ricky. Can it be Julianne, please?
8:03: Tell me about Ricky Gervais' agent and his lawyer. Tell me by which specific clauses in what contracts he gets to be here every year.
8:01: I feel bad for not telling you about the most eloquent, elegant parts of Matt Bom(b)er's speech, but I can't get past, "Thanks for putting up with me when I was only 130 pounds!" The competition for next year's Lifetime Achievement Award just got thicker, people.
7:58: Just to be mean to Tom Cruise, the camera people wait till Katie Holmes is already standing there and the camera's on to visibly raise the microphone, because she's so tall. She's not, however, any funnier than Seth Meyers, which means ...not that funny. But they're forgiven everything, because they're presenting BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR (TV OPUS), which means they are the midwives for our moment with "Matt Bomber."
7:57: I haven't seen enough dresses tonight to tell you who's Best Dressed among the women. But I can say, as so often, that Steve Carell has definitely Caught the inner Fox.
7:56: Actually, I'm not guessing that. They can't think of anybody older or more established than George Clooney to give a Lifetime Achievement Award to. But maybe they have long memories for Ava. She certainly makes an impression.
7:55: Definitely hoping Ava DuVernay takes the Director prize tonight, and feeling semi-hopeful that she will. She's the only former publicist in the group; one imagines she's done more for the HFPA than Richard Linklater has, and I'm guessing they have long memories.
7:53: Common gives a lovely, principled, articulate acceptance speech; you've got YouTube homework if you missed it. Prince's hair is a twittering cloud of funky neutrinos. His body is a semi-stable system, whirring with nanomolecules of Cool.
7:51: It's "Glory" from Selma! And Oprah gives a platinum-class "YEESSSSSS!!!!!" from off screen.
7:50: Prince is here to present BEST ORIGINAL SONG to anyone who isn't Lana Del Ray, for crying out loud, please. My God, but people freak out when Prince shows up, including Viola Davis and Channing Tatum.
7:47: Regrettably, Melissa McCarthy has been a diligent student at the Naomi Watts Academy for Describing Films You Were In As If You've Never Seen Them or Don't Even Like Them. (NWADFYWIAIYNSTDELT).
7:45: You have to hand it to the Lancôme team for figuring out how to build ads around Julia Roberts, who is fabulous but still, after all these years, unable to walk as if she's ever once left the saloon.
7:40: Meanwhile, it 's suddenly clear to me that Anne Hathaway has been a diligent student at the Judith Light Academy of Surging Emotion (JLASE).
7:39: BEST COMEDY SERIES: I'm guessing Transparent? I got one! It's Transparent. Jill Soloway gives a lovely speech, especially in her call-out to Leelah Alcorn. If you don't know who that is, read about her.
7:36: BEST ACTRESS (TV COMEDY): I'm guessing it's Julia Louis-Dreyfus? Unless they do their Crown The Ingenue thing? And they do: it's Jane the Virgin's Gina Rodriguez. The whole room is surprised. Kerry Washington, wearing the world's most beautiful magenta brocaded mousepads, is surprised. Some woman in white sitting behind Gina is the most surprised.
7:35: "Restoring some justice to Alan Turing: The Imitation Game." Well, sure, "some"! I couldn't have written it better myself, Colin. And even so, he may have just said more about homophobia than the whole movie does.
7:33: The Meryl Streep/Margaret Cho venn diagram has finally been achieved.
7:27: If the internet is working, EVERYONE is gif'ing Fran McDormand's DISDAIN for the TV show of Fargo. Joel Coen gets a silver medal for barely turning around in his seat, but comparatively, he's still a Kerrigan. Fran Baiul'd the hell out of that. That was some triple-axel shade.
7:26: Naomi Watts reads some TelePromTer copy about Birdman as though she's never heard of the movie. Can't Nicole just ...give her lessons, or something?
7:24: Billy Bob Thornton, winning BEST ACTOR (Miniseries or TV Movie): "These days, you can get in trouble no matter what you say." Like, for example, telling Jennifer Lopez she's "got the Globes." Jeremy Renner is in Deep Method Performance as an oil slick tonight.
7:22: The ENTIRE SHOW is WORTH IT for THE LOOK that FRANCES MCDORMAND gave to the FARGO 2.0 GUYS. Holy. Moly.
7:21: Jeremy Renner, word for word: "Here are the nominees for, uh, you know, Best Miniseries or TV Movie." Arguably, filming Age of Ultron hasn't done great things for his fluency with dialogue. More arguably, neither has vodka. Fargo takes it over an apples-and-oranges group that includes True Detective and The Normal Heart. The lead producer is in a velvet sport coat that Claree might describe as eggplant or aubergine, I don't know.
7:20: Now an ad for a series starring Jason Isaacs, who counter-balances the ugly Michael Mann photography perfectly.
7:19: Ad for Michael Mann's Blackhat, which I'm excited about, but when the Singularity transpires, and the world is divided into people who think Michael Mann's experiments with digital aesthetics are enrapturing, people who think his movies look increasingly ugly, and people with real problems, I'll be firmly in Group 2.
7:18: I literally just said Hi to Derek for the first time since I walked in the door twenty minutes ago, having been out of town for three days. Thank goodness he doesn't judge.
7:14: BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS (TV): Doesn't really seem like the writers trusted Dakota or Jamie with all that much dialogue. Jamie: "An actress can do anything!" Dakota: "And these women did." (Basically.) The winner is Joanna Froggatt for Downton Abbey, which already didn't look that appealing to me even before you all started telling me it got terrible.
7:13: If you wagered that Miles Teller would get a special shout-out for his "maturity," you just won a lot of money!
7:12: BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR (MOVIE): And the J.K. Simmons Award goes to... J.K. Simmons! A surprise was too much to hope for, but I was gratified by the audible ardor behind Ethan Hawke. And the relative silence around Duvall. What?
7:07: Tina and Amy just turned Richard Linklater and Alejandro González Iñárritu into a sex joke. Why aren't they getting the Lifetime Achievement Aw— oooh. Bill Cosby jokes. I ...don't know.
7:06: Second year in a row that the untoppable Best Joke of the Night is about Clooney. Google the transcriptions later. Perfection. (Ed.: "George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria, and was selected for a three-person U.N. commission investigating rules-of-war violations in the Gaza Strip. So tonight, her husband is getting a Lifetime Achievement Award." As I said, perfection.)
7:05: Biggest roars of the night for Frances McDormand and The Grand Budapest Hotel? Huh!
7:02: "Boyhood proves there are still good roles for women over 40, as long as you were hired when you were under 40." Already great. Not clear the camera people know who Reese Witherspoon or Patricia Arquette is.
6:52: Mine is the most exciting race to an awards show since Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe rode bikes to the Indie Spirits! Cabbing the last leg home. Amy and Tina are at stake!
6:42: Not one to sit idly, I used the rest of the train delay to check out Lorde's "Yellow Flicker Beat," the only Original Song nominee I hadn't heard. It's from The Hunger Games: The One That Looked Full of Arrows and Meetings. Sounded fine, but seemed less Hunger Games to me than like something everyone might grind to during a hot night in that hivelike city of clay in Matrix Reloaded. But I'll say this, she didn't rhyme anything with "Big Lies." And she got the train moving! So.
6:32: The driver is off the train, literally chipping ice off the third rail with a metal stick. Nothing I learned in elementary-school science seems to be deterring her. Also, nothing seems to be happening. I can't figure out if I'm in Snowpiercer or The Homesman. If we're all electrocuted, I hope it won't be till after I've seen Julianne's silver dress.
6:22: Equipment problem on the train. We're stopped, 11 stations from my apartment. I feel like Rosamund heard me, and I'm being Amazing Amy'd as we speak. I resent that, because if anyone tonight should sympathize with having a major equipment problem on a special night, it's Rosamund.
6:15: One thing I enjoyed was sitting on an airplane for 30 minutes after we'd landed on our ice-floe of a runway at O'Hare, knowing that Giuliana Rancic was doubtless philosophizing to Ethan Hawke on the red carpet (without even realizing he was actually Eddie Redmayne) and that I was missing it. I put out a call to 2600 followers for some pretty arrival photos to keep me happy, and I heard back from three. Tomorrow, I will contemplate that rate of return, wrestle with my better angels, and make some truly difficult final phone calls to some "friends." Anyway, two folks sent me Rosamund Pike, and one sent Amy Adams, and here's the nicest thing I can say: Amy Adams looks phenomenal, and Rosamund Pike is so pretty that you can just overlook whatever she's got on!
6:10: Also meanwhile, if it isn't too obvious, I urge you to follow Nathaniel's coverage of the arrivals. I'm assuming you already listened to our podcast of predictions and preferences. As Shug says in The Color Purple, "I think it pisses God off when you walk past a beautiful podcast in a field and don't listen to it." Don't worry, it'll still be here later.
6:05: You guys, this is going to be some serious Dogme '95 live-blogging. Since I am nothing if not professional, I've been at a conference all weekend in another time zone; if all goes well, I'll arrive home mere minutes before the awards ceremony starts. Hopefully Bradford will have set a table and bought us something to drink while we root for Team Selma. Thank goodness the HFPA doesn't have a Cinematography award, or else he might have been nominated, and then we couldn't watch together! A close brush with a truly sad fate.
I'm focusing all my karma on getting home on this subway by 7 CST. Meanwhile, YOU focus on the Globe arrivals, and on linking this page wherever you can post, paste, or graffiti it. Catch me up on first impressions in the Comments, and enjoy past installments during commercials. The Globes live-blogs are easily my highest-traffic feature of the year. I'm all about peaking early. And even more than that, just as the HFPA feels about nominating Helen Mirren, I'm all about doing what I always do!